I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
