you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
