Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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