His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
