I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
