I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
