I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
