just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
