My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
