i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
