when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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