hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
