Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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