just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
