Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize