So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
