A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need moral support for this bender
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
