I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
