Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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