I hate your face
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
