Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
