Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
