Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
