take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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