My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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