I accidentally burped into my bong.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
