Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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