Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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