you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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