Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I FOUND THE LEGS
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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