he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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