She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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