Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
