you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
