I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize