I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
