So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
