some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
