So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
