oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
