Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
