I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
