Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
