my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
