I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
