I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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