My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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