If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize