Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
