It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My ATM looks so different sober.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
