i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
