Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
