Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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