Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
