Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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