it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
