i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
