when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
