His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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