i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
