Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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