I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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