they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
