Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
