You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
nutella sex= disaster
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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