uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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