i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Pants are for mortals
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
