Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
