That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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