He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
