How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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