someone owes me an orgasm
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
