Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
