Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
